For lunch, this girl I was with wanted to go to McDonald's. I was okay with a hamburger and I had wanted to see if it was different. Nope. Coca-Cola is different (no high fructose, just sugar and sweetener), but the fries and burger were exactly the same. Interesting :)
We went to a beautiful cathedral and as we were waiting for our tour to begin, I read a sign that said "If you are claustrophobic, this tour may not be for you." We were about to head up a tower and it was pretty narrow. I pointed that out to the teacher and he said "If you need to stay down here, it's okay." I took a deep breath and told myself that I could do it. I was brave and could overcome my fear. I was bigger than it and it wasn't going to stop me from enjoying this part of the class. I told him that I'd be fine as long as I was last in line up the tower. I knew that if I was wedged in between people, that would cause big issues with my brain because I would feel trapped.
I was actually okay at first. It was dizzying because we went up this tower and it was circular, and I could feel the air getting thinner (though that could have been my mind playing tricks on me). It was also very steep and my legs were getting tired, but I kept pushing myself (mostly because a professor was behind me lol). We took a couple of breaks though, so the tour guide could give us some information, which was really, really nice. However, as soon as we got near the top, it got a little narrower and that made me really nervous, but I pushed on because I knew we were close. I felt dizzy so I sat down and that's when I got nervous. Everyone was commenting on how beautiful the view was and taking pictures, but everytime I tried talking myself to standing up, I'd look over the railing and panic. My logic was there but my emotions were hijacking them. I asked someone to talk to me because as long as someone was talking to me I was fine, but then even that stopped working and I was hyperventilating and really scared. I would try to slow down my breathing but that wouldn't work either. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to talk, I just wanted to stay there and curl into a ball until it went away. Again, logically I knew it wouldn't go away until I got down the tower, but my emotional side had just taken over. Not until one of the professors said "Liz, hand," did I snap out of it enough to take his hand. I heard that voice and I thought "Oooh no...I'm in trouble." I knew I wasn't really, but at least it got me on my feet :). He and another student talked me down the tower...and actually, going down was scarier than going up. I was still scared about the height, and the steps going down seemed much smaller; I was so scared I was going to step wrong and end up breaking my neck or something. That never happened, even when I slipped a couple of times I was okay. I am so glad he was there to help me through that, and I thanked him. What he said afterward will probably stick with me for the rest of my life.
Me: "Thank you."
Professor: "For what? Kicking your butt down the tower?"
Me: *nervous laugh* "Yeah."
Professor: "I'm glad to do that any time. Do you learn anything."
Me: "Yeah, I did."
Professor: What did you learn?"
Me: "That I can overcome my fears."
Professor: "Yeah. As long as you have support, you can do anything."
So tonight, everyone but one of the professors and I went to the bullfight. At first I felt devastated because all the students went, and I think I felt more left out than anything. Two of the professors tried to make it so I could go, and I appreciated their efforts, but I knew it was a lost cause, even though I had a little hope. I didn't let on that I was sad. I thought about it somewhat though, and I realized something. I shouldn't regret saying no, because I knew why I had said no. I have a great love for animals, and watching a bull purposely get stabbed over and over again for sport was not something I thought I could stand without feeling disgusted and it would probably haunt me for quite some time as well (I get weird nightmares and I know I would see this over and over again). So even though I was a little sad, I didn't regret it.
The professor who didn't go invited me to go to Plaza Major with her, where they have this big festival with breakdancers and other cool things. We were still there when it got semi-dark and it was so pretty to see all the buildings lit up. We then went to dinner at this chinese place, because I thought the first place was good, so this one might be good too (*buzzer noise*). Well, what the professor ordered looked delicious, but I ordered a shrimp salad which I mistakenly thought would be like Artic Circle's, but actually was lettuce, 4 shrimps, and corn, drenched in vinegar. Don't get me wrong, it was delicious, but I was just expecting more to it than that. Oh well :). It was actually a really good day in spite of the panic attack. But...with the help of an awesome professor, I was able to come out of it and move on :)
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